


Nothing Like Him

by Patisserie_Blu



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Azula's Waning Mental Health, Gen, Other characters mentioned - Freeform, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:42:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25791547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Patisserie_Blu/pseuds/Patisserie_Blu
Summary: Azula was a lot of things. Cold, precise, deadly.And nothing like Zuko.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 24





	Nothing Like Him

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first piece in a long time and my first work in this fandom so be gentle with me. The idea jumped in my head and then wouldn't leave. 
> 
> Warnings: semi graphic depictions of panic attacks and hallucinations. Azula isn't okay, guys.

_'You can't do this! You can't treat me like Zuko!'_

The echoed words lurched Azula out of her uneasy slumber and she scrambled back against her headboard with a startled cry. As her eyes flickered around her room, taking in the familiar surroundings, she brought her hands up to her face, only to yank them away at the moisture gathered there. It was sweat, of course. It had been awfully humid lately. 

_'Not tears. Never tears. I'm not like Zuzu; I'm not weak.'_

The young princess started again as her heavy door creaked open and a young servant girl poked her head in. "Are you alright, Princess? I heard a yell and knocked, but I didn't hear an answer," she inquired softly. Azula stared blankly at her for a few seconds before screeching wordlessly and hurling a ball of blue flame at the door. The servant squeaked and ducked before yanking the door shut and fleeing. Azula drew her feet underneath her and crouched on her bed, chest heaving, as she listened to the retreating footsteps. 

When she was secure in her privacy once again, Azula sat forward on her knees and brought her hands back up to unstick her hair from her damp face. Her fingernails, ever filed to a sharp point, dragged harshly across the sensitive flesh and she couldn't quite contain the gasp it pulled from her. 

With a growl and some thrashing, the princess freed herself from the tangled sheets and placed her bare feet on the cold stone floor, shuffling across the room to her vanity. The sight that greeted her was... less than impressive. Her eyes were red and bloodshot and the skin around them was inflamed. Her cheeks and temples sported bright red scores where her nails had dug into her alabaster skin. Her shoulders were still rising and falling sharply and unevenly so she sucked in a breath, holding it as she straightened her spine and drew her shoulders back stiffly. Then she closed her eyes and exhaled slowly, forcing her shoulders to drop as she did so. A stark relief struck her at the sudden release in tension. 

_'Firebending comes from the breath.'_

"Shut up, uncle," the golden eyed girl snapped at the empty room. She wasn't like Zuko; she didn't need to be reminded of the basics like a toddler. 

With that thought, Azula marched to the vanity and plopped herself down on the cushioned stool. There was a fine tooth comb resting there on the vanity, silver and glinting and exquisitely crafted with a fire lily etched into the handle. She glanced back up into the mirror and took stock of her messy, tangled and damp hair. It was disgraceful and unbefitting a princess. 

No matter. It was only hair; if the servants could do it then so could she. 

The metal glinted in the firelight as she lifted the innocuous comb to her scalp, running the teeth through the thick, dark hair. Or, she would have anyway, but the teeth snagged in a knot and tugged sharply, making her gasp again. After taking another deep, centering breath, she carefully extracted the comb to try again. 

The knot came no easier the second time than it had the first. Azula exhaled sharply through her nose and took the matted mess of hair between her fingers daintily, separating it and pulling it up and away from her head. Still, when she dragged the comb through she met harsh resistance as the stupid hair refused to do as she wanted and just _give._

With another wordless snarl, she drew her arm back to throw the comb across the room, only to freeze as she caught sight of her reflection. Her brows were drawn down into a heavy scowl, creasing her forehead and her lips were pulled back over her teeth in an animalistic way. Her eyes were wild with rage and frustration and glittering with unshed tears. She looked... a lot like Zuko, when he threw one of his tantrums, which jarred her into schooling her features back into stoicism. 

She was Azula; cruel, precise, deadly Azula. She didn't throw tantrums because she was perfectly in control of herself and her emotions. Nothing like Zuko.

_'I love Zuko more than I fear you.'_

"Well you were wrong!" the princess hissed to the empty room. "You were a foolish traitor who made the wrong choice and now you're going to rot in prison for the rest of your life while I rule as Fire Lord!"

 _'You'll still be under your father's thumb.'_ Golden eyes went wide and feral at the familiar voice murmuring in her mind. _'He will destroy the world and rule the ruins and you will still serve him and **nothing will change.** '_

"Shut up Ursa! What would you know anyway?" Azula brandished the comb at her mother's reflection accusingly before throwing it back down on the vanity, forgetting about her tangled mess of hair. 

But now that the thought had crept into her mind, it stayed, seeming to bounce around and gain momentum as it went. _Would_ anything change? Father was naming her the Fire Lord, but when all the lands were Fire Nation, what would that even mean? The archipelago would be little more than a colony then, a speck of land among the empire. It would be rather like Mai's family being stationed to Omashu; she would be a figurehead, a false ruler carrying out her father's orders and _nothing would change at all._

"Enough!" Azula shouted, clutching her head in her hands and squeezing her eyes shut. "Even so, it will be an honour to serve as the Fire Lord under the Phoenix King! I will take my rightful place on the throne when the time is right!" She dropped her head to the vanity, relishing the cool wood against her heated flesh as she resolutely ignored her mother's inquiry of what there would be left to rule. 

After a moment, Azula cracked her eyes open and rolled her head to the side, tilting it to face the mirror. There she met Ursa's eyes, weary and sad. It made her bristle. She was Azula, beautiful and clever, the prodigal firebender who brought down Ba Sing Se from the inside. She wasn't like Zuko; she didn't need anyone's pity. It was she who struck down the Avatar! 

_'Which is why he's still alive, right?'_ There was Mai again, dry and scathing in her monotony. _'You failed to bring him down just like Zuko did.'_

"No!" Azula roared, jerking herself upright and spitting sparks in her rage. "I am nothing like Zuko! He's a pathetic coward! I don't make mistakes!"

 _'You underestimated the Avatar,'_ came a new voice, deep and raspy. _'You lied to Father and told him that the Avatar was dead. That I had killed him.'_

Damn Zuko and his little change of heart, defecting and telling Father all of that and leaving her alone to deal with the aftermath. 

_'You lost to the Avatar again and again, just like me. You would have lost to the waterbender in the catacombs if it weren't for me.'_

"Shut up."

_'You let us escape the Boiling Rock. You failed to kill me at the Air Temple.'_

"Shut up, I said!"

_'You trusted Mai and Ty Lee.'_

"SHUT UP!" Azula screeched again, springing to her feet and flipping her vanity. The drawers spilled open, throwing combs and ribbons and little bottles of perfume that landed amid the glass of her now shattered mirror. 

The now hyperventilating princess gripped her knotted hair in both hands and backed herself into a corner, great, rasping sobs heaving out of her chest. When she made contact with the cool stone of the wall, she crumpled slowly to the floor, wailing while tears streaked down her face. Though she was certain she'd alerted servants and probably guards to her tantrum with all the noise she was making, her door stayed shut until dawn. No one came to offer comfort the way she was sure they would have for Zuko. The palace staff, along with Mai and Ty Lee and Ursa, they all seemed to love Zuko no matter how much of a pathetic screw up he was. 

And Azula was nothing like Zuko. 


End file.
